St Bernardus abt 12, 10.0% ABV

St. Bernardus abt 12 is a Belgium Quadrupel that is perhaps one of the finest beers ever made.  This is a beer that is so good, it will turn you into an instant beer snob.  After drinking a pint of this, you will refer to common beers as “swill” and hold all the remaining in comparison to ludicrously high standards set by this one.  Taste wise, it’s slightly sweet, carmelly, full bodied, and so super smooth, you’ll completely forget you’re drinking a 10% ABV beer.  This high-society brew even comes in optional 750ml corked bottles! Have your servants serve in a jewel studded golden chalice along with the latest reports from your fellow Illuminati.

Arcadia Ales, Loch Down, 8.5% ABV

Loch Down is a Scotch Ale which means it’s a malty, heavier tasting beer, that is surprisingly refreshing when you serve it as cold as the Scottish Highlands. Always welcome after a long, rough day of hauling timber, piling stone or beheading your enemies, this ale is a great blend of strong nutty, bitter flavor without being creamy like a stout. Loch Down is also crafted and brewed specifically to take along with you when hunting Plesiosauria in popular lakes. Serve ice cold with a side of haggis and a copy of Braveheart.

Oddysee Awesome Brews Christmas Special!
We Make a Mixed Drink the World has NEVER Seen Before!

As a former bartender, it’s almost impossible to conjure something new and exciting that hasn’t ever been tried before.  Oh sure…  you may grab some random junk off the bar and think to yourself “I’m sure if I add 2 parts Zwack to 1 part Slivovitz, 4 parts pineapple juice with a top-off of 151 rum… NOBODY has EVER done this, right?!” But as soon as you hit the all knowing seer up (Google), you find that exact same recipe submitted by some bartender in New York City 9 years ago!

No…  to do the truly unique, one must think outside the box… which is why I now introduce “SOYLENT”

What is Soylent??  Soylent is the product of a Kickstarter campaign to come up with a low-cost complete meal in powder form.  Something the people of third-world countries could live off of indefinitely, because it would contain ALL the nutrients needed to keep them alive.  Well, I had a buddy who pledged into this Kickstarter and thus, managed to score a bag of the stuff…. the “original” mix he claims; as they’ve already moved onto v2.0.  How bad could it be?  My friend had plenty left after all…

LOOK at all the STUFF in this!   And you JUST need to add water!  I’m betting I can make something NOBODY has ever seen out of this stuff!

Ok, need to do math now… convert the instructions of “add whole damned pouch to 2 quarts of water…” Quarts to ounces… divide by 16… convert ounces to tablespoons… carry the one… Four tablespoons to 8 ounces of water! Right-O! Time to mix it up and see how it tastes!

Tastes… like I’m drinking liquefied dough…   grainy, earthy, liquefied dough…

Hmm… going to need some serious help with this brew…

WONDER-TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE!

Ok, this crap is pretty horrid.  Wow… I’m going to need some potent Christmas Magic to make this stuff good.  For this lineup, I’m choosing DeKuyper Green Creme de Menthe for it’s hardcore peppermint flavoring; and because when talking about drinks and Christmas, peppermint is a necessity.

I’m also choosing 10 Cane Rum.  This is an island rum my sister brought me back from Trinidad the last time she went on a cruise down there.  It’s what we like to refer to in the professional world as “the good shit”.  See that cork?  That’s proof enough right there.

Ok, it’s going to take a LOT of peppermint to hide the “fresh dough taste”, so I added 1-1/2 oz of the stuff.  As you can see below, it barely put a dent in the color, though overall, it is a bit more greenish.

2 1/2 oz of the rum to top it off. We use rum because it is the primary ingredient in eggnog, after which comes eggs or cream or something… This is to complete the whole Christmas spirit thing going on here! Eggnog, consequently, is rarer than fine scotch. You can drink fine scotch any time of the year… eggnog, you can only drink for a single month.

Mix vigorously…

DONE!

And now… the taste!  Pure Christmas with a unique, never before used ingredient!  And it tastes like…

…like fresh, wet dough that someone dumped peppermint on in a rum factory…

Ok, so maybe NOT the most successful of my Awesome Mixed Brews, but what does all-knowing lord-Google say… rum, green creme de menthe, soylent…  NOTHING!  I HAVE MADE A UNIQUE DRINK!

All it needs now is a name!  It’s kinda green so I dub thee “Soylent Green!”  A name that inspires the feeling of good will and Christmas!  Designed to feed the hungry, and get them shit-faced!  How awesome is that!?  It’ll be a hit regardless of what it’s made of!