First, the Not So Awesome Brew…

Every month, a Not So Awesome Brew is featured as a baseline. After all, what is an Awesome Brew? Awesome compared to what? Compared to something like this:

Miller Brewing Co’s Miller 64, 2.8% ABV

Yea, you knew this was coming at some point.  Diet friggin beer.  I’ve been avoiding reviewing this swill for literally years now.  I was hoping it would go away like New Coke or Crystal Pepsi (which despite being legendarily bad, recently came back); just one of those horrible failures a beverage company makes, groans about, does a post-mortum marketing study, and moves on with the mentality of “don’t ever do that again”.  But, it didn’t disappear.  I can’t even tell you who’s buying this crap.  It’s too low-brow for hipsters worried about their figure who would rather be sucking down a pretentious double IPA.  It’s too weak for the blue-collar crowd who drink American macro-brew because it’s cheap and gets you drunk.  So I really don’t know… women who are worried about their figure maybe and still want to get drunk on a crappy beer?  In my experience, those type of women usually drink wine.  So who the heck is buying things like Miller 64?  Some mysteries are best left unanswered.

Alright, so down to brass tacks.  You’ve heard me slam American adjunct lagers before, and this one isn’t much different.  It’s watery, it’s weak.. and at 2.8%, it’s very weak.   It poured pale as heck, but it had a decent head of suds on it which was unexpected.  Miller 64 had a bad taste to it though.  It literally tasted dirty.  Like some gritty topsoil got blended into the mix.  I was forced to get a six-pack of this stuff as well since it didn’t come in individual cans, and thinking it might have just been a bad bottle, I re-sampled again and again with the same results – this stuff just has this bad, bitter, dirt taste to it.  I wish I was making this up just for kicks to slam crappy macro-brewed beer, but I’m not, it was awful.  Not awful in the Great American malt liquor sense that makes you immediately want to pour it down the toilet, but awful in the “what is this cheap garbage” way.  Other cheap beers I’ve described as having moldy corn taste to them, but this was the first I think that tasted like someone kicked the dust off their cowboy boots into the bottle.  Serve cold with rice cakes while watching American Idol reruns.

And Now, the Awesome Brews…

The Brew Kettle’s Cedar Point Shandy Shores, 4.5% ABV

I’ll admit, I picked up this bottle for the Cedar Point endorsement.  Cedar Point, for the few who don’t know, is one of the largest, most premier roller coaster parks in the world.  Billed as being the Roller Coaster Capital of the World, it’s been featured in countless shows about coasters and amusement parks, and numerous video games, including the amazing Planet Coaster.  While competition is high for the “current best-of-the-best” among coaster theme parks, and the titles for which parks has the highest, or fastest, or whatnot seems to change hands twice a year at this point, Cedar Point has certainly boasted it’s share of tallest, fastest, longest, and most roller coasters over the years.  It’s also a short, two hour drive from where I live in north-east Ohio.  The Brew Kettle Tap Room and Smokehouse on the other hand, is a brewery/restaurant located on the southwest side of Cleveland in Strongsville.  Most of their creations, I haven’t been super impressed with, and unfortunately, this one is no exception.  It’s certainly not a bad shandy, it’s just that it doesn’t stand out in any remarkable way.

Shandy Shores is supposed to be a blood orange shandy with a touch of mango mixed in, but to me, it tasted more like a lemon citrus shandy with a slightly off flavor.  It’s a fine shandy for summer drinking.  It’s light, smooth, and very refreshing – a combination common of my beers during these months.  It poured a perfect amber, with a light fizz and no head.  It’s composition seemed off though, like Brew Kettle was shooting for something specific and just didn’t quite get there.  What they did get is a fresh-tasting shandy with a lemony citrus taste that would be great on a hot day with an unforgiving sun bearing down on you.  I’m not quite sure what’s up with the whole Cedar Point branding as well, since I saw no mention of it on the bottle, but as my wife comments from having taken her photographer’s cut “it tastes like Cedar Point smells”… which can best be described as the fresh smell of Lake Erie.  Overall, certainly not bad.  Not the best brew I’ve had and I don’t see myself going out and buying more anytime soon, but it’s not a brew I’d turn down if offered.  Serve cold as hell with corn dogs while building your dream theme park in Planet Coaster.

TY KU Citrus Liqueur, 17% ABV

I found this one on the sake shelf of Red, Wine and Brew.  At first, I figured it was a plum wine but TY KU Citrus is a soju based liqueur.  Soju is traditional Korean grain alcohol.  It’s the “get you hammered like a street bum” type of booze over there.  It’s the stuff with teeth and no smooth edges.  Even the name, soju (소주); so (소) means “burning” and ju (주) means “booze”.  TY KU Citrus takes Korean soju, and blends in Japanese Yuzu fruit, which is a very sour lemon-lime grapefruit type fruit.  Toss in some Tibetan Goji berry, Honeydew and Mangosteen and some green tea for good measure, and you have TY KU Citrus.  As a further gimmick to sell more booze, this stuff also supposedly comes in a light-up bottle where the base contains an LED array to illuminate up into the bottle causing it and the fluid it contains to glow.  I’m sure it would be a rather impressive effect sitting on the back shelf of a bar, but alas, the bottle I picked up had burned out it’s batteries long ago and replacement would be rather destructive.

So what’s this stuff taste like?  Potent and sour sums it up pretty good.  I very slowly went through this viridian colored booze, measuring it out a shot-glass at a time.  The smell is pure yuzu, and if you don’t know the smell, it’s indescribable, and not at all unpleasant; my best description would be “fresh cut lime meets the sea breeze”.  The taste is sour and alcoholic.  If you hold it in your mouth long enough, you can taste the goji berry, and even the honeydew, (I don’t have a clue what mangosteen tastes like), but eventually, the burning grain alcohol taste gets the better of your senses and forces you to swallow.  At 17%, it’s potent, especially if you drink the majority of the bottle in one sitting like I ended up doing.

This stuff would probably serve better as a martini mixer than something you drink stand-alone.  On top of it all, it’s also a diet drink at only 65 calories per 1.5oz.  It’s not something I care much about, but to each their own.  Serve chilled or on the rocks along with fresh sea bass and greens and the 90’s era anime series of your choice.

Some of the pictures taken for Awesome Brews were done by Diane Schuler of Schuler Photography