Episode #2: The Damn Towel…
When Albert heard the shower turn on in the captain’s quarters of their newly hijacked Polaris, he got the urge to go intrude on Rhonda, but there was work to be done so he quickly brushed those desires aside and abruptly sat upright. He called upon his memory of the ship’s layout and quietly determined which entrance would best suit their needs in the upcoming encounter. After deciding, he grudgingly got to his feet and stared down at his now, completely soaked in blood, but otherwise unharmed cheeseburger.
Groaning to himself, he stepped over the recently deceased, half-headed Tomlin and made his way up the stairs from the common room to bridge of the ship. After reaching the bridge he made his way to one of the remaining operable blue monitors that dimly lit his surroundings where he shoved the lifeless crewmen out of the seat and promptly sat down. Once he methodically disabled all of the undesired airlocks to the ship, he yawned from boredom; this being a common occurrence to him. He pushed the chair away and murmured “all yours buddy” to the motionless crewmen he discarded earlier and bounced back to his feet in a playful manner. Unfazed by nobody clamoring back to the stolen seat he whistled his way back to the common room to prepare.
He moved bodies around to stage the area and made sure to leave no immediate evidence of them being shuffled around by a blood-soaked maniac. Doing so in such a timely fashion required years of hard work and obtained skill. Lastly, he unbound Tomlin and positioned him under one of the ships overhead lights a few yards back from the entrance and in direct line of sight for those who would enter. After adjusting Tomlin’s cropped up body on one of the support columns he tilted his half blown off head towards the entrance to make it the vocal point of the gruesome scene. While he would normally cover the floor with his victims and lay among them with his guns drawn to surprise whomever came in, he thought this time he would mix it up a bit.
Albert stood silently at the entrance as if he were boarding for the first time and took in his work for a second. He grinned his goofy shit-eating grin and thought to himself that the scene he created looked like a crimson Jackson Pollock painting with bullet ridden bodies scattered throughout the canvas. Albert laughed out loud at the idea that most who encountered him would be dumbfounded to find out he actually knew of such an old artist.
“Keep playing the bumbling fool Albert and we will always be one step ahead of these pompous assholes” Rhonda stated as she entered the masterpiece carefully navigating the blood splattered floor.
Caught off guard from the break in silence and entrance of his beloved, Albert snapped out of his deep train of thought and happily took in the sight of the soaking wet towel covered addition to his work. He grinned at her and made a flashing gesture hoping to inspire devilish actions. She, like she always did, obliged him and opened the towel to reveal her bare body among the hellish scenery. Albert’s grin turned into a broad childish smile as he quickly moved towards her welcoming figure.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Al?” Rhonda questioned as she unmercifully wrapped herself back into the towel ending the show Albert was happily watching.
“What? I wanna get in on that…” Albert retorted as he pointed at her now hidden body.
Rhonda paused and looked at Albert for a second, before his outstretched pointed finger turned into grabbing hand imitating a squeezing action. Albert slowly resumed his encroachment, but in a manner that looked more like a blood covered zombie somberly approaching to perform breast exams then a lovers embrace.
“Do you not hear that you’re horny asshole?” Rhonda said as she gave Albert a stern look and pointed up towards the ceiling comm speakers indicate a noise he had previously not noticed.
“Warning: ship approaching” a computerized voice repeatedly stated and echoed throughout the large common room.
Unfazed by the announcement of an upcoming encounter, Albert continued his course of action towards Rhonda.
“No!” Rhonda yelled finally stopping Albert’s approach.
“I’ll make it quick” Albert said in a last-ditch effort.
“Where the fuck are you going to be Albert? And why didn’t you pile the bodies up and get ready like I told you?”
“Ooo you’ll see when you walk that fine naked ass out here when they come in” Albert playfully answered as he quickly reached under Rhonda’s towel and slapped her ass.
“You fucking prick. Now I have to jump back in the fucking shower.”
“You trying to seduce me woman?” Albert said with the large smile returning to his face.
“No you dumbass, we have work to do.” Rhonda coldly replied unamused by the bloody hand print now running down the back of her leg. “It’s the UEE who responded.”
“Aww I was hoping for the Vanduul….” Albert said in a disappointed tone.
“Why? They are harder to kill and distract.”
“Better booze”
“Is that all you care about?”
Albert responded to her by making the squeezing gesture with his hands and shaking his head.
“Fucking men. Well they might have good booze on the Javelin they arrived in”
“I always wanted one of those” Albert replied still making the gesture and starring at Rhonda’s chest.
“Well they aren’t just going to give it to us if you ask them nicely.”
“Ahh, I bet they would with this shoved up there asses” Albert said as he pulled a grenade out of his sweatpants.
“Such a diplomat” Rhonda said sarcastically.
“Thanks babe. I’ve always had an interest in politics.” Albert replied jokingly as if he took her comment as a genuine compliment.
“I’m worried Al. We’ve never taken a Javelin before and I wonder what its even doing out here.”
“You think we’ve pissed them off enough for them to send out a Javelin after us finally?” Albert said softly as he grabbed Rhonda’s hand.
“For five years we have been a pain in their ass. This is the third Polaris we’ve stolen and I can’t imagine they were too happy when you blew up a pair of their Javelin’s a few months back with their own Caterpillars.” Rhonda said as she squeezed his hand.
“Those Javelins were there to forcefully suppress an uprising of good hard-working people that were just trying to make a living.” Albert righteously stated as he stared into her green eyes.
“We’ve done a lot of shit things Al and that alone won’t make up for all of it, and it sure as hell won’t stop them from wanting us dead.”
Albert and Rhonda stood in the massacre staring at one another for a while in silence.
“You ever wonder why my wanted poster just says wanted dead while yours says wanted alive?” Albert finally broke the silence, but not his gaze.
“I imagine they want me alive to question me on why I turned my back on what I had and ran away with a mad man.” Rhonda answered with a smile.
“You’re wrong. They want you alive because they want you for themselves. Those UEE assholes will send everything they have after your perfect ass till the end of time.” Albert said with his grin breaking the somber mood. “And you know what?”
Rhonda smiled and rushed forward throwing her arms around his neck. She looked up at him with her beautiful smile and got up on her tippy toes to kiss him. No matter what trouble they were in or who was after them Albert always said and acted like everyone was always trying to get her for themselves. Like she was the most precious thing in the universe. He always made her feel special and she loved him for it.
“What?” Rhonda whispered as she retracted from their kiss.
“I will burn them all to keep you right here in my arms” Albert said bringing her in for another kiss.
In their lovers embrace Albert slowly started to remove her towel. As he began undo its grasp around her hoping she wouldn’t notice or care.
Suddenly realizing what he was up to Rhonda pulled back and said “later you hopeless romantic we have a Javelin to take.”
“Damn…” Albert said realizing he wasn’t as sly as he hoped he’d be.
Rhonda turned and made her way back through the blood maze that tattered the floor. Right before she disappeared down the corridor she spun around and said “Al”.
Albert looking down in defeat raised his eyes to see her. She untied the towel around her and slung it over her shoulder. Seeing Rhonda there in all her beauty quickly returned his goofy grin.
“Burn them all” Rhonda said with a smile. She then turned and sexually strutted out of view.
Albert remained still as he heard the Javelin’s boarding bridge attach to the side of the Polaris’s hull and slightly jerk as it clamped down to complete the docking process. His breathing slowed as he checked once again that his device was blocking his life form reading off their ships sensors. He had given Rhonda another device that imitates a life form so it would look like the only two people alive were in the captain’s quarters.
The hatch to the airlock began to raise and Albert whispered “now” into his comm and then quickly became as lifeless as possible.
The door slowly opened and streams of light illuminated the gruesome common area of the Polaris. The tips of five rifles pierced the entrance and began scanning the entire area systematically. The intruders stepped in only inches away from the seemingly lifeless and blood covered Albert. As soon as the five men fully entered the room they spread out in a line directly in front of the door they had entered through.
“Multiple casualties” the man in the center spoke into his comm.
“Proceed with caution” a voice replied.
The man in the center began to give hand signals to the accompanying men when a loud shriek came from the corridor leading to the captain’s room. Two of the men took a knee to take their firing positions. The two closest to the bridge quickly broke off and checked the stairwell leading up to the bridge.
Albert remained frozen. Listening to their steps and movement. Thoughts and images raced through his mind. These men were highly trained. Not once did they even flinch at the scene he had set for them. No comments about all the bodies or blood. Nobody gasped at poor Tomlin’s exposed and seeping brain. These were no ordinary UEE Soldiers.
Suddenly Rhonda came running out naked from the door three of the soldiers were currently monitoring. They immediately raised their guns in reaction, but did not tense up.
“Stop!” The leader yelled.
The other two Marines who had checked the stairway to the bridge returned to their flanking positions at their leader’s side. Rhonda skidded to a stop in a pool of blood several yards from them. The five men who had their rifles pointed at Rhonda remained unmoved at the beautiful sight of the naked woman entering.
The men’s under-barrel lights blinded her and without even noticing whom she was addressing Rhonda began her routine. “Please help! He’s a Monster!” she cried as she covered her eyes from the bright lights hindering her vision.
While still pleading and her vision gradually returning to her she took inventory of her new guests. The five men were heavily armed in space suits and made no actions to comfort her. They stood abruptly fanned out at the entrance Albert planned they would come from. Three now kneeled with every other person standing. The fine details of their suits finally came into view. The insignias on their arms. The tactical gear they carried. Their armored plating on their suits.
Their firing formation. Realizing that these men were highly trained UEE Marines, Rhonda’s pleads for help abruptly stopped. They would shoot someone before ever lifting a finger to help. These men were a highly trained fire squad with only one purpose: to find and eliminate.
“Fuck were in deep shit” Rhonda mumbled to herself.
“Where is he?” The leader yelled.
Rhonda didn’t answer and instead started frantically looking across the floor for Albert. As she scanned she could hear more Marines footsteps approaching from the docking bridge. Halting her search for Albert amidst the bloodshed she looked up towards the noise of more men coming to kill her.
“I said where is he?” The leader once again yelled but in a more demanding tone.
Rhonda froze. She didn’t freeze from fear. She didn’t freeze from the five men pointing high caliber rifles at her. No, she froze from confusion and dropped her hands to her sides. While trying to not draw the attention of the Marines she squinted to make sure she was seeing it right.
“What the fuck?” she calmly stated in puzzlement.
Draped in a cargo net right next to the hatch the Marines had entered was a large broad shouldered man covered in blood. Smeared all over his face and head were brains. The pants he was wearing barley went down to the middle of his shins and the shirt’s middle buttons were stretching desperately trying to hold massive figure in them. The man’s shirt sleeves had been ripped off revealing his large muscular arms seemingly tangled in the net. On one of the man’s arms was heart shape drawn out in blood. Fucking Albert.
Smiling Rhonda shrugged and raised her hands and addressed the Marines with renewed confidence, “What? Do none of you like pussy?”
In that instant, Albert became alive again. His arm hit the hatch switch and as it began to swiftly descend to a close. Albert’s other hand quickly tossed a grenade under it before it fully closed. Within the same motion he grabbed his hefty double barreled shotgun taped crudely to the back of his leg.
The Marines heads jerked at the commotion just fast enough to see Albert’s twin barrels light up in a roar. His blast caught the two furthest Marines perfectly knocking the head clean off the kneeling one and cutting the standing Marine in two. He lurched forward and grabbed the Marine closest to him spinning him around to use as a meat shield. With one arm holding the helpless Marine in a head lock he grabbed the man’s sidearm. The two remaining Marines hesitated to shoot their comrade and with that hesitation Albert wasted no time seizing the moment. He hip-fired the commandeered sidearm with deadly accuracy, plugging the first Marine with two in the chest and a headshot to leader. As the Marine leader’s body hit the floor, Albert grabbed the tactical knife encompassed across the remaining struggling Marine. Turning him around so that they were facing one another, he quickly embraced him in a hug before the Marine could lift his assault rifle.
“It must have been nice knowing your friends who wouldn’t shoot you to kill me,” Albert said quietly as he plunged the knife upwards into the Marines throat. Releasing the man, his body fell to the floor limp and lifeless.
“Excuse me miss but I was afraid to raise my hand to answer your question earlier, but I do” Albert stated as he stared at Rhonda still naked in the common room of the ship.
“Am I getting fat or something? They didn’t even pause when I came out here naked…..so depressed” Rhonda said in a deflated tone.
“Babe are you kidding me? You couldn’t hear it, but they were all talking to one another over here.” Albert said trying to comfort her.
“No they didn’t Al…” Rhonda replied rolling her eyes.
“Are you kidding me babe? The dude over here in half…I had to shoot him in the dick. You should of heard him…. He wouldn’t shut up about the things he was going to do to you…and… and all the others were arguing over why they should get to have you.” Albert said grinning ear to ear.
“Really?” Rhonda replied sincerely.
“Babe they were literally about to answer you before I shot them I swear! I mean who wouldn’t want that?” Albert concluded with a wink.
Albert then strode over to her like some kind of hero and picked her up in his arms and kissed her.
He then pulled away and then asked “So do you think we have time before we go get us a brand new Javelin?”
Without even a response he slung her over his shoulder and started dashing towards the captains quarters.
“Put me down you overgrown bloody Peter Pan looking asshole!” Rhonda yelled.
“What? I thought changing into the crew’s clothes would make me fit in…” Albert said hoping to get reassurance that it was a good idea.
“Babe you’re adorable, but I don’t think we have time, and you need to take a shower because you smell like a dead Tomlin.” Rhonda quietly said and then smeared some brain off Albert’s check and gave him a kiss.
“Aww..” Albert responded sounding defeated.
“We can after we take the Javelin I swear” Rhonda reassured him as she jumped out his arms.
“I’m going to hold you to that you teasing vixen!” Albert joking replied.
“Sooo do you have a plan Al?”
“Oooo baby you know I do and they will never see it coming.” Albert answered with his shit eating grin and childlike excitement as he quickly slapped her ass on the other cheek leaving another clear hand print.
